I am a badass. Ginger said so.

So, the beautiful and truly badass Gingermagnolia has bestowed an award on your little Dishy. Not badass enough? Sorry. It is sort of hard to be a hardass lounging in my recliner with a HUGE glass of red wine and the dog snoring next to me. But don't think I won't cut a bitch... The award is called the Badass Blogger Award. Me? All I do is empty my spleen about work so I don't go to prison for murdering my cunt ass boss. I guess that does make me a badass. Sweet! I like being a badass and considering what a teddy bear I am in real life, oh wait. No I am not. But here is the award in all her badass glory!

Isn't she sexy? I dig her. And am honored that Gingermagnolia felt that I was worthy of her. Lord knows she is super badass. Between dealing with her Mom, 2 growing boys, going to school full time, and trying to find love: she certainly has her hands full. And must surely be a badass to juggle it all! I have endless respect for her and she never ceases to amaze and impress me.

Now, who to bestow this to? Everyone I follow is a badass, of course. Otherwise, I wouldn't read them, right? There is one that jumps to mind, but she never posts anymore. This is aimed at you Momma, get off your ass and write something! I miss you. I would also give one to Lola Ebola, but she probably already has a million of them. But after some consideration I realized that there are 3 that I would like to honor.

First, Christine. She is funny and smart. Multi-talented and a great read. She runs a tight ship and is not afraid to delegate in order to blog. I am always excited to see a post from her in my google reader. I know I will laugh or empathize. Also, her comments on my posts always bring a smile to my face! Cheers, Chris! Keep being a badass, will ya?

Next up to bat, Vinomom. She is a kick ass Mom. A fellow wine chugger. And is funny as hell. She is real and strong. She never ceases to amaze me! Reading her words lets you into her world and gives you a real glimpse of her life. Her posts are never boring and I never have to sit and think of a comment. I usually can barely wait until the end to start typing! If you don't read her, why the hell not?

My last pick, a new addition to my regularly scheduled programming, The Sarcastic Bastard. I met her though Ginger and I adore her! She is a fellow animal lover. A smart ass, which is one of the many reasons why I love her, and equal parts funny as shit and truthful. I admire her candor and her sense of humor. I have found myself going back over and over again to see what pearls of wisdom she will have to impart. It is never dull over at her place!

There you have it! The Dish's picks of badasses. Wander over and say hello if you don't already know each other.

And thanks again to Gingermagnolia. I have been planning on posting and sharing this, but of course got distracted by Mr. Burns' bullshit. Today was awful too, but I needed a fucking break from thinking about that shit. Let's just say that my day ended with me sprinting out the door to show at the other property to escape such things as screaming phone calls, texts from the POS, and listening to her tell her dughter that she is a fucking brat. Good times. Fuck, I cannot wait for her to go away or for me to leave for Texas. Or to fucking kill her. Wonder what will happen first?

Glad to be home, wish I could stay here forever

So, not a word was spoken today about the move. I wonder if she found someone else to torture. I doubt it. It is much more likely that she grew a fucking brain and decided to wait until he gets home and let him move his own shit and drive his own car. I really do not know how much more of her nonsense that I can take. Both of The Boys are waiting for me to snap. I can feel it coming. And it is scary. Today was no exception and did not help my homicidal urge.

It started this morning with the reading of the texts. At least 20 of them. From The POS. All pertaining to how sorry he is, how much he loves her, and regrets how things turned out. You think? Of course he does. He is realizing how hard it is to support himself! He was saying how he misses touching her. I almost threw up in my mouth. How is any of this necessary knowledge for me to have? Just shut the fuck up and let me do my job. Too bad it has been so quiet. If we were busy it would be easier to fucking ignore her.

Then she proceeds to tell me that she closed the office early yesterday because her kids got in a huge fight. Over jelly beans. Apparently, the POS has been taking shit out of the house that is not on the divorce decree. And, of course, her daughter has to listen to her bitch about it. So, her son went to take a jar of jelly beans with him. And she flipped out. Told him that they were not leaving the house. She pushed him. He punched her in the face. She hit him back. Guess whose side Mr. Burns took? She was making excuses for her daughter this afternoon on the phone. You know, because siblings fight. Yeah, my sister and I got in fist fights all the time over candy. *Sarcasm* The POS is threatening to get a restraining order against her daughter. Um, how would that even work?

The latest thing that her and the POS are fighting about? Visitation of her son. She has him every morning, everyday after school, and every other weekend. The POS has first right of refusal. If she can't take him, he gets the option before he goes to a sitter or another family member. So, Young Blood's going away party before he deploys next month? On her weekend. Thanksgiving at Young Blood's Mom's? On her weekend. The POS is throwing a stinking ass fit. She is choosing him over her son, she is a terrible mother, it is her fault her son hates her,not his. The whole thing is a fucked up mess, as you know.

I guess my thinking is this: They have been dating for what, a month? How is that long enough to be this involved? Especially after all the bullshit with this divorce. If she were half a mother wouldn't she be focusing on repairing the damage done to her and her son's relationship? I understand that Young Blood is getting deployed for a year. That is a very big deal, trust me, I know. And I know the only reason that her son hates Young Blood and refuses to be around him is because he hopes that Mr. Burns and The POS will get back together. I just think she is a self-serving fucking bitch. She is putting her own lonliness and sexuality before her kids. She deserves to find hapiness (well I may be exaggerating on this one) but shouldn't she be a mother first? Oh, and Young Blood is THRILLED to help her raise her daughter when he gets back. Notice there was no mention of her son. They have never met. I guess my feeling is that she is writing off her son and giving him to the POS to make her life easier with Young Blood. And it pisses me off. Again, why can this obnoxious asshole of a woman breed and I can't?

I also noticed today that she has taken off all of the pictures of her son off her desk. And removed the framed drawing he did for her that says I love my mommy off her wall. That seems pretty damning, doesn't it? Am I too hard on her because I am too close this? Or is she as big of an idiot as I think she is? I have gotten to the point that I do not even pretend to be nice to her anymore. I am so mean to her! She has to be fucking retarded if she is that clueless that she has no idea that my digs are not jokes. That I mean every fucking rude thing I say to her. I am really struggling to even be civil to her. I am literally one comment away from flipping my shit. And I have no idea how to stop it or shut her the fuck up. Maybe I should just snap on her. Maybe then she will realize that we are not friends and I am done listening to her. And carrying her ass in the office. The only thing stopping me is that I know the retribution would be brutal because she is such a vindictive bitch. Maybe it would be worth it. Do you think I can get her to stop speaking to me all together? That would be super fucking sweet!

Please cure me of my vaginitis.

As much as I loved Lola's ideas to shit in the toilet and leave it, and to change the time on all her clocks, I did not have the balls to do it. I did head over there right after a greasy Denny's breakfast with 3 cups of coffee with The Husband. Had to take a douce but could not make myself NOT flush. I tried, I really did. Maybe I would just prefer to not listen to her mouth. The dogs were well cared for this weekend. But for their sake, not hers.

I have had a great weekend! Friday we had a quiet night at home. Watched a movie, hung out on the new furniture with the Furbabies. Drank plenty of wine. Had phenomenal homemade pizza. Saturday I worked my usual, 10 to 3. Then I went throw pillow shopping. I love the new pillows! I cleaned the apartment and cooked dinner for JL. We drank some wine and shot the shit. Sunday morning The Husband and I went out for breakfast. I think we have started a new tradition. Nice way to start my day off, for sure! Got all the laundry done. Got all my notes for Christmas shopping done. Very relaxing!

I am looking forward to tomorrow off as well. Not sure what The Husband's plans are but I plan on relaxing some more and/or hanging out with him. It is just nice to be away from her crazy nonsense.

I am trying to come up with a way to talk myself out of helping with the move. I should just be able to say no and leave it at that. But ya'll know her. She will push me on it and I will have to come up with some concrete reason why I can't/don't want to. I wish I had the stones to say, "Because you are a crazy fucking heffer and I do not want to have anything to do with this sheer insanity." JL did say that I could just say that I have plans with her. The Husband told me to tell her that I was comfortable doing it and that because of her son, I think it is a terrible idea. We will see what diarrhea of the mouth actually spews out when pushed about it. Sigh. I swear sometimes I am such a fucking pussy. I guess my thinking is to keep my life as drama free as possible. Never a bad goal in my humble opinion.

Wish me luck on curing my vaginitis. There is no way that I am willing to do this for her. Yes, she needs friends, but I am not willing to wear that hat. There is just no way to squeeze it on my head. And no desire to. I will beat the shit out of myself and expect cruel ridicule if I let her bully me into it...

Is prison worth it?

I am so damn bored. I think it is physically impossible for time to move any slower than it has today. I even left to walk our vacant units to turn on furnaces today with The Boys. Did we need all 3 of us to accomplish this? No. But I wanted to get the fuck out of here. But I am happy to say that nothing crazy has happened on this here Friday the 13th. That, my friends, is good news. I chugged an Iced Coffee from Mcdonald's just to stay awake.

Mr. Burns is a moron. I know that is not shocking to anyone. Here are today's highlights:
-She bought Young Blood plane tickets to come home for Christmas. I thought she was fucking broke? Doesn't he have his own money since he has pretty much been training for 2 months and lives at the BF's rent free?
-She wants me to go with her to the BF's next week before he gets back to town to help her pack up his shit and drive it and his car back to her house so he can move in before he gets deployed next month. WTF?!?! There are several reasons why this irritates the piss out of me.
*How in the fuck is it my responsibility to help her move her boyfriend's shit in? I didn't even get a fucking thank you card.*
*Again, I am sorry that you are such a miserable bitch that you have no friends here in town. You are my boss, not my friend. Hell, I don't even fucking like you.*
*Her son is just now starting to speak to her again. How the fuck does she think he is going to react to a new man in Mommy's bed less than 2 weeks after he and his precious Daddy moved out? Um, she might want to rethink that.*
-I am somehow walking her dogs for her this weekend. How the fuck did this happen you ask? I have no fucking clue. She caught me at a weak moment. I can't let the damn dogs suffer. Again, I think I need to contact the corporate office to get a copy of my job description.
-She wants The Husband to take the stitches out of her arm. She had a cyst removed last week. She is a medic too. Why does he need to do it for her? Her BF is a medic too. Why is this the responsibility of my household?

I fucking hate her. I really do. Should I fuck up her house this weekend? I told her the least she could do is to have the hot tub up and running so my chubby ass can get in it. Bitch can't even do that.

I love the new furniture. I will get a few pics up on FB soon. I had a great time with Nat-Nat last night getting a much needed pedicure and eating sushi. Drinking plenty of beer. I haven't seen her forever and I have missed her face. She got us floor seats for the upcoming Brad Pasiley concert. Hells yeah! Quiet night of movies and enjoying the new couch with The Husband and Cute Dog this evening. And several glasses of wine.

Have a swell weekend, Kids!

For The Lovely SB

Thanks for the prompting, Bitch. Jonesing for a Mr. Burns story are you? Well, you just might be in luck. I haven't written because I assume you fuckers are tired of hearing me bitch about that crazy hosebeast. But here goes.

I was Mr. Burns less for 5 days, except for the parade. Pure heaven. I was dreading work Tuesday morning because I knew I would have to deal with her. Then I got a present. She called me while I was putting on my war paint for my daily battle. She wasn't coming to work. She took a sick day to get her paperwork in front of a judge. She is now officially divorced. Hale-fucking-lujah. I did get stuck on the phone with her for 10 minutes and 44 seconds that felt like an eternity. But I was free for the day.

She did tell me that the POS showed up at Wal-Mart Monday night while she was shopping to scream at and berate her. Also, he called Young Blood and left a nasty message. Good Times. Later that day as I was walking out of the bathroom (I really need to start remembering to lock the front door when I need to poo) and he was standing at my office door. Um, why the fuck are you here? He asked me if Mr. Burns was coming in at all that afternoon and I told him that I had no idea. Trying to stay neutral. Call me Sweden, or Switzerland. You know what I mean. He proceeds to tell me that she won't answer her phone and he is trying to get her some money. He asks if I would call her. I did. Just to get him the fuck out of my office. After he left I sent her a nasty text message and told her to fucking call him because my chubby ass was not going to be stuck in the middle playing messenger.

I get through the remainder of the afternoon, go home and started drinking and cleaning. What I do when I am pissed or stressed. I woke up Wednesday morning and knew that there was no way I was getting out of her shit for the day. I came into work and immediately her phone starts going nuts with texts. I told her, quite harshly, to put the fucking thing on vibrate before I showed it sideways up her ass. We were hanging out the backdoor and the bitch tells me that she misses Young Blood. I do not need to hear that shit! But since when has over-sharing been embarrassing to her? She then proceeds to tell me that she wants to have sex with him in the office. Um, fucking gross! Now every time I walk in here I am going to get that mental image. Un-fucking-neccessary! I made the mistake of telling The Boys that, so they decided it was a good idea to give me shit about making sure there were no stains on my desk or chair this morning. Bastards!

I dropped Cute Dog off at daycare so I didn't have to fuck with her while the furniture is being delivered this afternoon. I got to work and the office was dead silent. Apparently, the POS called Young Blood again. And he is pissed. Went off on Mr. Burns about it. She tells him that she told him to knock it off but she can't make him and it is not her fault. Again with the complete lack of self-awareness. She has no concept of the effects of her actions on others. The head shrinker thinks she has a personality disorder. I would buy that. Wouldn't you?

So, she is pissed at both of them. And I got to hear all about it. Because I am so lucky, you dig? She threatened him with a restraining order. I asked her what she planned on doing if he continues to show up here. Just wanted to put it out there AGAIN that I will not be forced in the middle of this shit. I finally convinced her to go to the Social Security office to get her last name changed and made her think it was her idea. Ha, get the fuck out of this office and leave me alone you worthless hag! Fuck her.

The thing that pisses me off the most? And it shouldn't. I shouldn't expect anything from her. Her status on FB the other night was thanking all the people who have helped her through this. The BF, Young Blood, her Mom. Guess who wasn't on that list? Yep, that's right, me. Have I not listened for 30 hours a week, given you a shoulder to bitch into, gave you and your daughter a place to stay? WTF!!!!! She mailed out thank you cards yesterday too. Guess who didn't get one of those either? I know I shouldn't be pissed off or have my feeling hurt by this. I know that I can fathom being that shallow. Which, I guess, means that i have a heart and a consciense. But, seriously? Just when I think that I could not hate her more than I already do, she pulls some shit like this. I hope Young Blood dumps her. Not really because then i would have to listen to that to. Fuck my life.

Fantastic, and much needed break!

Dudes! Have you missed me? I have no excuse for my absence. Other than I had 3 days off work, in a row, and had a kick ass weekend! Friday I had the office to myself, Heavenly. Saturday the office was closed so that I could go participate in the Veteran's Day parade and cheer The Husband on with his cadence. It was amazing and I am so proud of him!

The alarm went off at 5:00 in the a.m. I am sure you will be shocked to learn that I am not a morning person. And cannot remember the last time I was up that stinking ass early! The weather was perfect! The high was 68 degrees. Not bad for November in the midwest. Like anything Army related, there was a lot of hurry up and wait. The soldiers took off marching, The Husband to the side calling his cadence, the truck full of kidlets behind them hurling candy at peoples' heads, and us spouses walking behind. The only downside was that with all the noise around me I really didn't get to hear him. But I could tell by the praise of his fellow soldiers that he did a hell of a job! He had no voice by the end of the parade. I did get a little video of it but am unsure how it came out. It came down the wire from the powers that be that they are not allowed to have any photos of them in uniform on any social networking site. Oh well.

After the parade I headed home, took a big fat nap, and waited for my lovely spouse to get home. We chowed dinner and were in bed pretty early!

I got up Sunday and relaxed. I did 8 loads of laundry but failed to clean the apartment. It still needs to be cleaned. I ordered take out for us for dinner and we were in bed early again. Exciting life we lead, no?

I was going to clean today but was distracted by him at home. He finally cooked ham and beans, my favorite, and I took a nap (do you see a reoccuring theme and why my apartment is still filthy?). We got up to run some errands and decided that today was the day to buy new family room furniture. That is how we roll. Impulsive. We have been talking about it for awhile, but we both decided that it could not wait any longer. So, we furniture shopped with Cute Dog in the car. There is a store going out of business a few towns over and we got a great deal on a recliner and a couch with 2 built in recliners. Remind me to tell you about his old one. The new stuff gets delivered on Thursday. I cannot wait! Free delivery. I am so ready to get rid of this old stuff. It has served us well but it is time for it to get the fuck out!

Back to work tomorrow morning. I am sure my good mood will come to a grinding, screeching halt immediately after I step foot in that office. Saturday was so great that not even Mr. Burns presence could put a damper on it. I got condolences from other soldiers for putting up with her crazy ass. She told everyone that I am wonderful. Doesn't make up for past transgessions but it didn't suck!

Hope everyone is fairing well. I am sure I will be back with more frustration and hatred soon!

Cross your fingers for me Bitches.

First and foremost, I fucking love my head shrinker! Did ya'll know that I am not the one that is crazy? That it is other people in my life? That no matter what I do I will never get the respect that I deserve? It is pretty damn refreshing to hear that, that even though I might lose my temper and get super pissed, that it is a normal reaction to the situation and lack of conscieous that I am surrounded by 30 hours a week. It has been a long fucking week.

You know what? Life is amazing. You never know what is going to trigger a major emotional response. Some days it is a long distance commercial. The other day it was a Bones episode about Foster kids. Yes, some days I am still a sniveling, snotty, sobbing mess. Like I said on FB the other day. Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it. Easier to type than it is to implement. I was talking about Mr. Burns. Most days I should say that to myself as well.

Tuesday night was very stressful to me. It was so weird to have her in OUR space. I spend 30 hours a week with her in the office. Having her in this apartment was different. I was so anxious and keyed up about it. She told me she would be here about 9. Then she called and said it would be 10. They showed up about quarter to 11. I would normally be fixin' to get in bed. Her and her daughter were arguing when they got here. Which stressed me out more. She sat on my couch and spouted the same shit that I hear everyday at me AND The Husband. Sigh.

The next morning, she was sitting at her desk, screaming and cussing at The POS on the phone. Nothing usual, right? Usually she changes her tone and watches her language when a resident comes in. This time? Not so much. It was one of my favorite tenants, this hot little Italian National Guardsmen with amazing dimples. Super sweet guy. He is sitting at my desk writing out his rent check, and the next thing we know she is screaming, "Just get the fuck out of my house!" Fan-fucking-tastic. I just got to sit there and try to smile at this guy. Completely humiliating. I was mortified. As much as I despise my job, I am nice to our residents. Professional. I take pride in taking care of them. They know I expect them to behave. But that I will do anything in my power to make sure that they enjoy their apartment. That even though this is a big apartment complex, it is home to me, and I hope it is for them too.

I will admit, I lost my shit. I am so fair skinned that when I am pissed off or really upset I get really splotchy. I was sitting at my desk, furious. I could feel how hot my skin was. In the reflection of my door I could see her sitting in her office, crying silently into her hands. And I fucking ignored it and continued to get even more pissed off. She started whining about the mean shit that he has said, and complaining that he was refusing to sign the paperwork. I told her that she can't be surprised by the way he spoke to her. That he knows he is losing his verbal punching bag and his meal ticket. Then I continued on to tell her that she was wrong to be that unprofessional and that our tenants certainly don't need to hear that shit. She shut the fuck up. Shortly after she left "to get herself together." I told she knew where to find me and I let her go.

Could I have been more diplomatic? Yes. Was I so pissed I was shooting fire out of my eyes? Yes. Was I wrong to be so pissed? It is one for thing for me to have to listen to the bullshit, she is my boss. But people who pay her rent and sign a lease with her name on it? Not okay with me.

This morning The POS was supposed to be signing everything in her lawyers office. She was understandably nervous. So, she tells me that we are closing the office and going to lunch. Because I really wanted to share a meal with her *sarcasm*. She sat there and talked on her phone for 10 minutes. Go outside, you rude bitch! And I was starving and ready to order. After she got off she sat there and texted Young Blood for the rest of the meal. So, I sat there and played Mahjongg on my phone. At least the other dinners didn't have to listen to me. He signed. She went and signed. Hopefully, since they have agreed to a settlement, it will get signed by a judge and all this shit will be over. And he is supposedly moving out tonight. I sure as fuck hope so.

Do I think that life in that office is going to immediately become drama free? Of course I don't. I am not that damn naive. Do I hope that it gets better? Of course I do. Is it realistic? Probably fucking not. Hey, a girl can wish, right?